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Robin and the Time Traveler

Another View: Gearing up for Newcastle Days

By: Robin Enos and John Downs/ Guest Columnists
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   Portuguese Pirate:
   If you folks happen to see the Time Traveler wandering around town with a dazed expression on his face, give him a wide berth. He has had an awful month and there’s no telling what kind of mood he’s going to be in.
   His month started out bad and just got worse. First he got kicked out of the Enlighten Me dance studio because his toenails were scarring up the dance floor.
   Then he went down to Liberty Art & Ink across from the Post Office to get a tattoo of a heart with an arrow through it. He was going to have his initials on one side with a question mark on the other. You never know, he might find a gal with a couple of teeth. That didn’t work out either.
   Bill told him it was hard to tattoo wrinkles and besides, he didn’t have enough meat on his bones to make a suitable canvas.
   Crushed, the Traveler slunk over to Cypress Street and entered Steve Fossum’s International Fight Sports Arena. I guess he figured if he took karate lessons he would come out like Steven Seagall or Chuck Norris. Steve thought it would be best to throw the Traveler into the ring with one of his newest students. That didn’t work out either.
   Ten minutes later the Traveler was seen crawling out the front door. My Lord. Imagine the humiliation being slammed to the mat a half dozen times in as many minutes by a 7-year-old girl.
   Next, the Traveler limped through the breezeway of La Fornaretta’s Sicilian Restaurant and fell through the door of Stephenie Walters Personal Training Gym, which is located right next to Wells Fargo Bank right in Marshall Square. Stephenie specializes in folks with physical limitations, which I assume includes rehab for old people.
   The Traveler asked her if she could help him, so she checked out his bruises and asked if it was a southbound or northbound train that had hit him.
   When he told her he was taking karate lessons, she indicated she could help him with his mobility and flexibility but she couldn’t fix stupid.
   While we are on the subject of Stephenie and her gym, we would like to thank hubby Lance for taking it on himself to maintain the area around the gazebo in Marshal Square, the true center of our community.
   He is also maintaining the monument area adjacent to the railroad tracks. Didn’t know we had a monument? Check out our village, you will be surprised by what’s here.
   Lance has also offered to do a special clean up around town the day before our Newcastle Days event coming up on Sunday, May 21. Again, thank you Lance.
   Time Traveler:
   Hey! That little girl might have been four-foot nothing and 60 pounds but she was tough and besides, I didn’t want to make her look bad.
   As the Pirate mentioned, the Newcastle Community Association is hard at it preparing for our annual May celebration. This year’s theme centers on fresh and local produce. The event starts at 11 a.m. and lasts well into the  afternoon.
   This year we are going to feature a farmers market, local beers and wines, live music, great food and the Newcastle Elementary School choir.
   As usual we will present the scholarship award with Supervisor Jim Homes and his Johnson hat presenting the citizen of the year award.
   And I will take center-stage signing autographs.
   Portuguese Pirate:
   Yeah right! More likely sleeping it off under the deck of Ingrid’s Merry-Go-Round Merchandise store.
   Time Traveler:
   Butt out! This is my part of the column. As I started to say we have new blood coming on board to facilitate this year’s event. John and Pixie DuFour are ram-rodding the show with new board members Tina Lauer and Amber Eubanks adding new ideas.
   With the continued contribution of old time veterans of the event, this year should be gangbusters. If you want a booth at our event call me at 530-320-6441 and I’ll put you on the right people.
   I have some unsettling news for listeners to our Newcastle television show airing on AM 950 KAHI Radio Saturday mornings at 10 a.m. Yes I know it’s not television in the traditional sense but the Pirate says I have a face made for radio.
   Anyway the Pirate is leaving to work on his bucket list for a few weeks, forcing me to do the heavy lifting solo along with my normally exhausting weekly show duties.
   Do you have any idea how many little buttons and dials there are on a studio console? And some of them are backlit in RED! And there’s some kind of mousy thingy I’m supposed to pet and push around for some damn reason. I get no joy out of abusing little rodents.
   Any machine that has more than an on and off switch, I don’t need nor have any use for. So, you’re all on notice — the next few shows should be interesting to say the least. I may be broadcasting from the Placer County Jail before this is over.
   One last note. In our last column I made reference to that bedrock of our nation — the Constitution — and opined that it has been badly abused over the years and at an accelerating pace.
   It is such a small document but forms the construct for our contract with our government to protect us from tyranny.
   As Patrick Henry once said, “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government — lest it come to dominate our lives and interests.”  
   That quote preceded the more ubiquitous “I know not what others may choose but, as for me, give me liberty or give me death.” That’s some serious passion.
   Maybe we should glance at it once in awhile. I offered a FREE constitution to anyone willing to go down to KAHI Radio next to the State Theatre, Century 21 in old town or    Time Traveler Home Consignment in Newcastle and the offer still stands. And dang if KAHI didn’t run out so I’ve restocked.
   Jerry Kopp of Uptown Signs across from the Auburn Journal got all bent out of shape because we didn’t include him as a source. That’s been rectified so drop by and he’ll have one for you as well. See you on the radio.