I used to have a pretty apathetic attitude regarding the issue of blogging. I never ran across a site with which I could identify. I couldn’t figure out how anyone could be egotistical to believe their ideas and opinions mattered to the world in general. I pictured them all as morbidly obese, socially shunned, isolated, sad individuals with 72 cats, sitting in a cramped, darkened corner of their apartment above a tavern, with a neon sign flashing through the dirty bare window holding a broke air conditioner.

So I never did it.

The week after Christmas, I came down with a head cold and just wanted to lay around popping Sinutabs…Naturally, once they wore off and I woke up, there was nothing of any value on TV (surprise, surprise), reading seemed more soporific than drugs, and I noticed my lap top on my coffee table. I started free flow typing nouns into the little Google window in the upper right hand corner. Well, one noun lead to another and somehow, under some heading of “Catholic Blogs” I found this site called Auburn Journal. Living in a city in upstate NY in close proximity with a little town about an hour east of here named Auburn, I took a look, of course expecting an entertaining peek into the minds of some “born again / home again” Catholics full of civil, holier than thou banter about right to life, the plague of homosexuality in America, and maybe something interesting like some individual in the midst of a Marian Apparition.

But I met all of you. I think my first response was to BirchBricker’s blog about respect for religious diversity. I thought “hey, I’m just going to put my 2 cents in”, considering he sounded like an even keel, spiritually bent, intelligent person. (Somehow the gender of BB was implicit). So for the first time in my life I went through the process of subscribing to a blog…. He responded kindly and I was off. I spent the last week of break putting a dent in the cushion of my couch, elbows rested on my knees, bent over toward the computer’s screen. It was a fantastic diversion. My dog Norman lay at my feet, and my cat Rose (named because she looks a little like Rose Kennedy at about the age of 100) occasionally walking across the key board or tapping at the flashing curser. I got rid of the “may cause drowsiness” pills and had a hoot.

I feel like I am sitting in a large room with a wonderfully diverse group of smart, witty, bold, irreverent, passionate individuals, but the best thing being that everybody waits until the first person is finished before they open their mouth to either agree or disagree, and sometimes support or lambaste the “speaker” in question, or sometimes the questionable speaker. It seems like I have found a group of new friends. I figured that when the semester started you would all become a figment of my internet. But I found myself telling my “real” friends (real space, real time) about you. I began arriving home to my apartment and immediately logging on to see what I had missed.

Now I’m scared.

I see my potential to become really, really fat. I love animals and have for years had to ignore stray cats. Living alone now since my husband died and the step-kids share our mutual disregard, I am dreading the next level which would entail relocating to a smaller place above a bar, getting a small refrigerator stocked with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Ben & Jerry’s, Diet Pepsi, hard salami, black olives and cheese cake to place next to a desk in the corner of my new living room lighted with 40 watt bulb in a plastic, bendable neck desk lamp from Target. I’ll stop showing up for class. I’ll ignore bathing because I will only leave my home go to the grocery store to restock the fridge (and it’s cold here so I can wear a hat), and as I type this I realized my winter coat is below the knee so I can even wear my nightgown without anyone knowing, unless I crashed my car and needed an ambulance, but hopefully I’d be unconscious so I could avoid the humiliation. Although I’m tenured and the most likely cause for dismissal being moral interpretude, after the administration tries an intervention that fails, I will loose my job.

Do we all become that which we fear, or do we intuit that which is pre-designed?

Well, whatever…I am currently very content reading the posts, forming an opinion, moving to the comments, feeling my mind open as unconsidered points of view slip in, reevaluating my original opinion, and a lot of times feeling like I can contribute. The entire process has brought growth into my life, and not only to my “Czechoslovakian breeder hips”—a lovely term invented by my Irish mother who was never truly accepted by my father’s side of the family.

So I guess I’m hooked.

But, it’s 12:12PM and as you know, I’m 4 hours ahead of you out there in Auburn CALIFORNIA (it took me about a day to figure that one out), Norman is sitting here staring at me with that “hey lady…when are we going to bed” look, and I teach M-T at 8:30AM (while most of you are probably having a great REM experience) so I’m going to bed.

I just wanted to say thank you for existing and for being the most normal Catholics (and Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus, Buddhists, Lutherans, Atheists, etc.) on the web. I appreciate all of your personalities and love to observe the repartee. I respect your points of view and am learning a lot about myself. So good night. I’ll remember you in my prayers.

Have I shared too much?