Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet

known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant

neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving

it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which

are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called

peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be

detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into

contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would

normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to

complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 – 6 years. It does not decay,

but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the

assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since

each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming

isodopes.

This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to

believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical

concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical

morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an

element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has

half as many peons but twice as many morons.