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Another View

Fears, scares and terrors at the local coffee shop

By: Robin & The Time Traveler
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Time Traveler:
I fear for the future safety of Auburn’s streets. Last week as I was approaching Depoe Bay Coffee Roasters for our morning meeting of the Babblers and the Auburn Think Tank I noticed a half dozen or more brightly colored Vespa motor scooters parked outside. Recognizing Vitas Insurance Agency’s Steve Galyardt’s bright red little motorbike I grew curious and went inside. What I saw shook me to my core. In the little foyer at the front of the coffee shop I spied Matt Spokely who is running for city councilman or something. Now a politician with a smile on his face and his hand out is scary enough but the supporters he had gathered around him was terrifying. Seated next to Spokely was Steve but not the Steve we know. This Steve was wearing a worn leather motorcycle jacket, black levies and heavy soled biker boots. From his right hip hung a ring of keys that must have weighed 20 pounds. Sitting next to Steve was a giant of a man similarly dressed but with all the silver zippers and trinkets pinned on his black jacket. He made me think of a ’52 Buick. Scattered around the room were three or four more rough looking characters and all with the words ‘Ride Free or Die’ emblazoned on the jacket backs. But instead of the traditional skull and crossbones logo there was an image of a foaming latte. In the background I heard The Shangri-Las singing ‘Leader of the Pack’ over the sound system. Steve told me he was forming a new motorcycle gang called the ‘Vesparados’ or something like that. Or maybe he just said he had the vapors, I don’t remember which.

Stunned, the whole scene took me back to a time when outlaw biker gangs were running roughshod over California. I remember when the Hells Angels took over Angels Camp, tore down the city limits signs and replaced them with Hells Angels Camp signs and spent several days chasing local residents and tourists up and down the sidewalks on their Harleys and generally terrorizing everyone. I know, ’cuz I was there! Just when I didn’t think it could get any worse Susan Rushton bounced in carrying an autographed picture of Peter Fonda and a notepad, sat down on Steve’s lap and started taking notes for her next column. Shocked, I asked; “Susan, who do you think you are; Hunter Thompson?” At that, Steve suddenly stood up nearly throwing poor Susan to the floor and said; “Let’s book on out of here.” Then he marched out the door followed  by his gang. The last I saw of them they were racing out of 25 or 30 miles per hour with Susan sitting on back of Steve’s Vespa hog giving me the bike wave. Oh Billy Jack, where are you when we need you.
The Pirate, recovering from knee replacement surgery is on high doses of pain relieving drugs. The man is barely coherent but let’s see what he’s got.

Portuguese Pirate:
Fortunately I’m recovering from “just” a knee replacement surgery. There was a bit of a mix up. Apparently when I fell asleep in the pre-ops room a doctor came in and put an ‘X’ on my frontal lobe area. They use a sharpie to mark where the operation is supposed to be. I became aware of the problem when I awoke to a prep nurse beginning to the shave my head. I stopped her and asked; “Why? I’m not having a lobotomy.” She said a Dr. B. Parrot had come in earlier and marked my forehead then told her the knee replacement surgery was a couple a beds over. Everything ended up corrected and my knee operation came off with any issues. Disaster averted. I just want to say, I was happy to see the Traveler was in the recovery room with Janice to check on my status. I was a bit puzzled though when Traveler made a comment about still having my hair and my head not bandaged. I said it was my knee man, did you forget? He stuttered and said; “Oh right, right”. As he was leaving I noticed a bag of sunflower seeds tucked away in his hat … interesting.

It’s good to be home and recovery exercises are going well. I suppose I may have to speak to Steve about the Vespa club. Sounds really dangerous. Last time I was on a motorcycle was in 1985. I had a wee bit of a problem navigating a corner in Mt. View and put my cousin Gilbert’s Harley into a redwood fence. That was the last time I was on a motorcycle; too dangerous. But I see a new light now, me, Janice and Turner screaming down Indian Hill Road at 37 miles an hour on a Vespa. I’m done. Janice will be home shortly with dinner from Nectar Café. If you haven’t eaten at Nectar Café you should give it a try. Now it’s pain pill time and some exercises.

Dial your radios every Saturday at 10 AM to The Newcastle Television Show on KAHI 104.5FM and 950AM. You can also podcast live at www.kahi.com or at a later more convenient time. Look for free US Constitutions we’ve provided at KAHI, Nancy’s Café, Uptown Signs, Frank Ordaz Art Studio and the Century 21 office where I hang my real estate license. Constitution Day is September 17, 2018. Celebrate the ratification of the U.S. Constitution of the United States of America. It’s the supreme law of our United States.

When all the trees have been cut down, when all the animals have been hunted, when all the waters are polluted, when all the air is unsafe to breathe, only then will you discover you cannot eat money. — Cree Prophecy