Robin and the Time Traveler

Another View: A fondness for feathers

By: Robin Enos and John Downs / guest columnists
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Time Traveler:
For the last several weeks Auburnites have been approaching me inquiring whether this column would continue in light of the rebirth of the Auburn Journal returning to its roots as a community newspaper. But do they ask if the Portuguese Pirate and I are returning? Nooo! They are more concerned about Bloody Parrot. They care more about that mite-ridden bag of feathers than they do us. Apparently that little creep is worried too because he keeps flying around the Journal building and harassing the employees. He’s taken to strutting around upstairs smoking a big ugly cigar wearing a grey fedora with a press badge pinned to it as he loudly exclaims repeatedly “this place would be nothing without me.” Poor Julie Miller the design and content manager locks herself in her office. Advertising manager Beth O’Brien is thinking it’s time for that Irish vacation she’s been planning on and Gus Thompson ….  well, er, he’s Gus. Nicole at the front desk has had to grab that bird by his scruff and toss him out the front door. Unfortunately the last time she threw him through the door she didn’t bother to open it and publisher Tom Kirk who was just entering the building found himself flat on his back on the sidewalk with a door and a parrot on his chest wondering what the hell just happened.
Over the years people have often said they love the column but don’t get what the Bloody Parrot is all about. So I will briefly revisit history for those who have not been with us since the beginning. We were asked to write a column for and about Newcastle but we soon discovered there was nothing to write about so we started lying. Our column was called “Robin and the Time Traveler.” I was referred to as the Time Traveler because I always have been but there was no way I was going to partner up with a balding Portuguese with a prickly attitude, a ponytail and a girl’s name. We chose to call him the Pirate because he looks like one. 
Now, every self-respecting pirate must have a parrot and some bird droppings on his shoulder and boots. I think it’s a law. So the Pirate and I went shopping up and down the coast of California checking out pet shops and then one day we see this parrot panhandling on a street corner in Sausalito. We all know parrots live a very long time and this particular bird claimed to have sailed with Blackbeard. True or not I can’t say but for sure this particular parrot had been around people so long he thinks he is a people. Unfortunately the people he has hung around with have been grifters, vagabonds, cutthroats and scoundrels of every possible kind. The Pirate thought he could salvage this lost soul. Alas, he’s tried to reform him, even took him to church but they both got tossed out when the Parrot made off with the proceeds of the charity bake sale.
I wish the Pirate well but personally I have yet to see one redeeming quality displayed by that damned bird. The Pirate named him Bloody Parrot which I thought was a stupid name but it does seem fitting somehow. In any event if you are reading this it’s safe to assume we have been picked up again along with our parrot and disbarred attorneys Norris P. Thermador III, Harley Ridgecracker and of course own Madam Kalee, spiritual advisor, physic and palm reader.
Portuguese Pirate:
So the Time Traveler is picking on my Parrot again, heh? So the bird’s a little despicable, ignoble, censurable, unscrupulous — OK, OK — so he has some, shall we say, “hang ups.” Who doesn’t? Look at the Time Traveler. Well maybe not. The problem with the Traveler is he thinks one day he’ll become the third banana by getting replaced by the Bloody Parrot on The Newcastle Television Show on AM950 KAHI radio. Well just between us, he is! What he doesn’t know is it won’t be Bloody Parrot. It’ll be the bird’s long-lost cousin Nigel who is from the Pitcairn Island in the South Pacific and a direct descendant of the crew (yep, they had a parrot) who was involved in the mutiny of the HMS Bounty over 200 years ago. More on that another day. On to other business. We want to thank our sponsors Depoe Bay Coffee Roasters, Uptown Signs & Graphics, Frank Ordaz Art Gallery and 24 Seven Fire Protection for their support of our Newcastle Television Show heard on the radio Saturday’s at 10 a.m. You will get to hear interviews of local and not so local folks. If you should miss it live, you can check the podcast any time via Scroll to the bottom of the page and click the podcast link. Oh yeah, coming soon, KAHI will also be at 104.5 FM on your radio dial. Stay tuned for updates as we get them.